Unsolved Mysteries

In my life, there have been a few things that I've never understood. Questions that I use when trapped in an elevator, or waiting in a doctor's office, or on a long drive. When Cassidy and I were cruising to Columbia for homecoming, we debated one of these questions.

Can soap get dirty?
Ok, we all know that soap picks up pubes. In fact, there's some of magnetic force going on there, I think. Anyway, say a piece of soap falls behind the toilet and picks up some random dirt and grime. Do you rinse it? Shave the thing down like it's a pencil? Several people have said "oh, it's dirty, it's got junk on it." But honestly, soap by definition is clean. Anything it touches is instantly not dirty. Right?

Heres another one:
Why do you yawn, even when you can't see the person yawning?
There are several theories on this one, according to Wikipedia. Some aren't relevant, and thus, don't explain the phenomenon, such as "a means of cooling the brain." Others are obvious and provide incomplete information. The only one that could explain this is "An action used as an unconscious communication of psychological decompression after a state of high alert." Huh? But how does that "unconscious communication" flow?



How can you say, "This is just a dream" when in fact, you are dreaming?
This one happened to me last night. I was, uh, carrying on with a woman who was not Cassidy. I was still dreaming, talking to a dream version of a friend, when I said "Wait, maybe this is all a dream!" I then woke up, relieved, and ate some breakfast. Is this just the subconscious going through the denial stage of grief? As in, after a real-life tragedy when a person says "Maybe this is all not happening, I'm just having a nightmare." I question this because the whole concept of dreams relies upon suspension of disbelief. For instance, if you dream you're flying, you don't question it in the dream. Why question the entire existence of your dreamworld?



And an old favorite:
Are there modern-day eskimos, and if so where?
This one seems easy. Sure there are modern day eskimos, right? After all, we learned in school that they build igloos and have a bucket full of words for snow. But the thing that always bugged me was that, in modern society, you can't just sit in an igloo, and hunt, and so on. You need internet, cell phones, and cars. You have to pay property tax and income tax, and declare your business. Some people told me eskimos were in Alaska, others said Canada. These are countries that leave no stone unturned. Well, they do exist, check this out.** They seem less sedentary nowadays, as expected. Now go here, where you'll find that eskimos on reserves don't have to worry about modern hassles. However, if not on the reserve, they don't seem to be on the grid. So I finally solved that one. Hopefully scientists will figure out the yawn someday.


*If you don't have dirt behind your toilet, go see a shrink ASAP. You're going off the deep end.
**Miss World Eskimo Olympics? That's for researching another day...