I'm Super Sirius about the Gym

I've started attending a gym in the past month or so, and after about 10 visits, I've deduced the following lessons. They each have a Howard Stern reference, since both the gym and that seminal radio show have one thing in common: dirty vibes.

1. Expect the Unexpected
I walked into the locker room when I showed up at the gym. This old guy was sitting in there. I worked out, then walked back to the locker room to get my stuff. He now had a pack of frozen, boneless skinless chicken breasts in his duffle bag. I think they'd thawed by then though. So, if you psyche yourself to expect a drunk dwarf in a bunny suit (e.g. Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf) on the elliptical, you'll be fine.



2. Every Girl Looks Exactly Alike
You know the type, they all have the same exact stretchy pants, they're all 5'0" to 5'6" and they're all 20-25. Except this old Indian woman I saw on a treadmill once. Oh and this chick who looked like John the Stutterer from the Howard Stern show.



3. Nobody Sweats
Yeah, I don't understand it either, but I guess the people at the gym aren't the ones who need the gym. Seriously, though, people.. if you come to the gym enough times, you'll look like Wack Pack member Nicole Bass



That's all for now, hopefully the more I work out, the more knowledge I acquire, and thus the more you learn.