9/11/2007

You Take Your First Pet's Name and Combine it with Your Dentist's Last Name...

I have my next 2 blog entries in mind- one on Oprah, and one on steroids. One for the ladies, and one for the fellas. Oh and one about videogame magazine workers. But I've been in LSAT mode for the past week, so I'll probably hold off on those for now. Instead, I present to you a bunch of names used in spam mail to me. 99% of these are for black market cialis. Keep peni5 enlargement in mind when I talk about steroids.

Kitty Rich
I picture Ms. Rich as an old widow, who at 4'11" and 97 years old, still manages to make men vie for her favor. Why? She's got one of those castle-houses with a.. get this.. bottomless GUMBALL MACHINE!

Ramon Babcock
Works in porn. Not Latino, but you wouldn't be able to tell. He has recently gotten into krumping.

Cameron Youngblood
In the minor leagues of the New York Yankees. About to be traded for somebody with a less cool name who is much better.

Gay Shaw
That neighbor you never talk to. Has a very nice yard, and 2 dogs- a big one and a little one. Pretty straight, if the rumors are correct.

Tad Honeycutt
Car salesman, not a successful one. Sometimes he shoots squirrels in the back yard, just to vent. Wants to bang his secretary but figures it'd require a lot more daily work than he first thought.

Aurelio Guy
State Senator from Arizona. Has introduced a piece of legislation which requires all swimming pools without a diving board to have stone frogs in the surrounding mulch. Will still get elected, mainly because of name recognition.

Son Ragland
Junkie from Seattle. Emailed me from a public library, thinking I was a guy he hitchhiked with once, from Boise to Madison. Uses the original Starbucks for its facilities.

Lincoln Nixon
An 8 year old kid who is chubby and gets picked on. Little do they know, he sketches out fantastic battle scenes on canvases in his basement depicting their gruesome demises. Already on his way to having a great biography.

Daisy Stallings
Cheerleader for Alabama. Southern accent. Is slutty, but tries to keep it quiet, contrary to what some on College Humor would say.

Willis Beaver
A dude who lives on his Veterans' compensation. Is in a wheelchair and sits around all day humming old soul songs to himself while he puts together 3D puzzles.

Cassidy used to read spam names to me to give me some ideas for stories when I took Creative Writing. I can't say I used them, but the point is, you can't beat a random name generator.

2 comments:

cookiewonton said...

I started collecting names when I worked at a window company years ago with many elderly customers. I thought these might be good for a short story one day : Sheena Heck, Lola Legg, Moadis Hughley, and my all time favorite Myrtis Peavyhouse. Also, a year or so ago we had to change our general practitioner because we found it difficult to go to Dr. Harry Hymen with a straight face.

Drew said...

haha myrtis peavyhouse... and harry hymen is hilarious, i'd have changed doctors too haha